A Moment For The Also-Rans

In the countdown to World Cup kick off you can barely turn around without bumping into some idiot, myself included, spewing their opinions on how Spain should structure their midfield or whether Holland lack pace at the back, etc, etc. While it is understandable that the focus lies on the top teams and superstar players, it is often the no-name no-hopers that provide us with some of the most memorable World Cup moments. These moments usually fall into one of two categories; the sublime, typified by this superb head-down-and-charge-at-the-goal Saudi Arabia strike at USA 94, or the ridiculous, as best displayed by Zaire's hilariously petulant delaying tactics against Brazil in 1974.

One team with the potential to fall into both categories this year is North Korea. Just like another country not a million miles away, the North Korean people will be dreaming of a repeat of 1966 when they heroically made the quarter-finals. In fact, they will be hoping just to be able to see the tournament at all, as their barmy leader Kim Jong Il has decided to only retroactively broadcast the parts of the cup that reflect his country in a good light. Considering they are in the fabled 'group of death' alongside Brazil, Portugal and Ivory Coast, North Korean viewers might not want to bother buying that new 48inch HD telly especially for the football this year (although I doubt there was much of a chance of that anyhow).

While everybody is expecting the North Koreans to be the whipping boys of the group, we should remember that the western world actually knows very little about what goes on behind the country's well-guarded borders. It is entirely possible that Kim Jong Il has spent the last 20 years personally developing an elite force of laboratory-raised footballing man-monsters, a la Rocky 4. Or maybe not, but if it does happen remember where you heard it first, especially if you put a bet on them at 2000-1.

The North Korean powers that be have already displayed typical disdain for international rules and regulations by trying to manipulate FIFA's requirement of three goalkeepers in every World Cup squad by naming a striker as their third keeper, with the intention of using him outfield. FIFA responded swiftly and firmly (an example that the UN could potentially learn from) by stating unequivocally that if the player is listed as a goalkeeper he must only play as a goalkeeper. This situation is particularly fascinating for a number of reasons.

First of all, you have to admire the sheer balls-out cockiness of the move. Facing a group like that, most teams would load up on defenders and play park-the-bus tactics to keep the likes of Kaka, Drogba and Ronaldo at bay. Not North Korea. Instead, they try to smuggle in an extra striker to 'bolster their attacking options'. Now that is confidence. I truly hope they play a 3-3-4 formation and relentlessly attack from the first whistle in every game.

Also, this failed third-keeper ploy has set the scene perfectly for a situation that every football fan loves; an outfield player performing heroics in goal. You can just picture the scene now; plucky North Korea have fought valiantly against Portugal for 89 minutes, holding them to a shocking 0-0 made even more astounding by the fact they lost their first choice keeper to injury in the pre-game warm ups. All of a sudden Ronaldo minces his way through one-on-one on the North Korean goal. The keeper comes flying out, throwing himself at the ball, Ronaldo leaps theatrically through the air like the ballet star he always dreamed of being. The ref buys it! Penalty... Red card for the keeper! They have no one left... except for this no name striker listed as third keeper... One inevitable super-human save later and a World Cup legend is born. I wonder if you can find any bookies to give you odds on that.