I want my CDs back...

Most die-hard supporters will agree that following England in the World Cup is like being in a particularly volatile relationship. Yesterday's embarrassment, then, played the role of a suitably messy break-up and now we are left to pick up the pieces and wonder how it all came to this.

Qualifying

In the beginning there is nothing but excitement and hopes are high. Yes, maybe you realise that your new partner isn't the complete package, but who out there is without any flaws? Anyhow, they have more than enough positive things about them to make up for anything they may lack. Maybe, just maybe, this could finally be the one.

Pre-tournament Friendlies

Soon the excitement fades and you realise your partner is not quite the heavenly creature you had initially seen them as. But this is ok, everybody knows that no relationship is ever perfect and you still believe that the two of you have what it takes to last the distance.

England Vs. USA

Inevitably, the relationship will eventually be put through some tests. Mistakes will be made, and despite feeling let down we rationalise that we are all human after all. Your partner says all the right things about how they know how much it means to you, and that they are fully committed, so you find it in yourself to forgive them and move on, with hopes for a bright future intact.

England Vs. Algeria

Soon enough, though, you realise there is a disconnect between what your partner says and what they actually do, and the relationship seems beyond repair. After all, actions have always spoken louder than words. Both parties seem equally miserable and things are said in the heat of the moment that will later be regretted.

England Vs. Slovenia

Just when you think its all over, however, they show you a spark that makes you remember all the hopes and dreams you had initially, and you start to believe again. They say whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger, and the relationships that last are the ones that ride out the rocky patches and come out better on the other side. And so, probably against your better judgement, you forget about all the hardship they have put you through and focus on the brilliant future once again.

England Vs. Germany

Despite your best efforts to ignore them, the warning signs were always there and it was only a matter of time before it would all fall to pieces. You realise you had been putting your partner on an undeserved pedestal, and for the first time you are truly able to see how ugly they really are.

And so, that brings us to today, and the strange mix of emotions that most of us feel. Primarily there is disappointment and anger; your partner let you down on all their promises and pledges. You wonder if they ever really cared at all.

At the same time there is an odd sense of relief as though a burden has been lifted. No longer do you have to worry about your partner's neurotic peculiarities and you don't have to lose sleep trying to figure out where things are going wrong. More importantly, you can now look around at the competition without any feelings of guilt; after all, you've always been a bit smitten with that tasty Dutch girl and you certainly enjoy oggling a few spicy South Americans.

The whole experience has left us emotionally scarred and scared to commit to anyone ever again, but give it some time (two years maybe?) and we will all be ready to love once again